If only this journal possessed all of the answers. But answers are not really something I want. I am hiding from them, I run from them. I reveal nothing in the hope this goes away. So far, no luck but I'll continue trying.

And him... The absolute ultimate in wrong for me. It's ridiculous, in my mind I know it is, yet still. There is that tiny part of my mind that says what if. I'll continue to beat it back. Takes a couple of days, lasts a couple of days. As long as I can be semi-normal with him. If someone tells him I'll lose a friend. I know nothing will happen, even if it did it would serve no good. I'm wrong, he's wrong. Ridiculous. It will fade away eventually. Sooner rather than later would be helpful.

I'm being melodramatic and making no sense. I hate that but it's necessary.

I hope the one person I confided in I can trust. At the same time I hope I can't. That barely makes sense to me. But it's a journal, not a thread so I'm sort of in control here. Not like anyone reads these anyway, I certainly don't.

Anyway, things could be worse. They are in fact much better. Carry on.